Time To Go

June 2, 2010

This blog has been a difficult one to write. So difficult that I couldn’t write it on Monday, and I even struggle to find the words to write today. But, it is one that must be written.

This blog began over two years ago, when we began to follow the whisper of God towards international adoption. Little did we know what was in store for us for the following two years.

Little did we know that countless people would find our tiny space on the world wide web and join in our journey.

Little did we know that the lifeline that this blog brought to us was a gift from God that we could have never anticipated.

Words of encouragement and prayers, financial giving, humor, advice, wisdom, tears, smiles were poured over us week after week in response to our story. I would walk down the halls of church and someone would say, “I read your blog…I’m waiting with you.” Or, “I think I’m more frustrated over all of this waiting than you are.”

I’ve met friends from all over the world through this blog, friends who have gone before us on this adoption road and people who are coming behind.

Every Monday, amidst all of the ups and downs and twists and turns of the international adoption process, I would know that I had a blog to write. It was a tool that brought me back each week to the heart of God, it forced me to sit and be still and be reminded of who He is and how He has led us down this road.

Some weeks, the blogs were full of pain, pain that couldn’t be summed up in words. I remember there were weeks that as I was typing, tears would be streaming down my face, sometimes in frustration and anger, sometimes in weariness of waiting.

When the silent weeks and months would go by of not hearing anything or when we found out that our region had been changed and we were back to square one…those were the weeks when I felt like raising the white flag, of giving up. It felt too hard. The pain was too much.

But, then I would remember all of the people who were standing behind us, holding up our arms, praying on our behalf when I didn’t have the words, encouraging us with the light of His Truth when all we could see was a dark hole of waiting and unanswered questions.

There were some weeks where I felt like I had nothing to say. How many times can you say, “still waiting”? But even in those stagnet times of seeming nothingness, we would find encouragement and hope in the words of those who were walking this journey with us.

And of course, there were the blogs that were so fun and amazing and surreal to write. The blog about seeing Dima’s face for the first time, the blog about our time in Russia and meeting our precious son. I would write those blogs as tears would stream down my face, only this time, it was tears of joy and gratitutde, of unbelief in His goodness to us.

My prayer is that I will never forget the times of waiting. Those were some of the darkest times of my life, but they are also some of the times where I have never felt closer to God. I have never needed Him more. I have never needed to be convinced of His goodness more than I did in those years of waiting.

Often times we hear people say, “God is good because He gave you a child. God is good because I got the job I wanted. God is good because (fill in your own blank).”

But, God brought me to the very hard truth to be able to say God is good. Period. He is good because He is good. He is not good because He gave me something I wanted. He’s not good because of outward circumstances.Even in the midst of deep, dark, nagging pain, I came to the place where I could say God is good. I am grateful that God didn’t just give me when I want when I wanted it. If He had, I think I would be likely to have taken some sort of credit for how He brought us to Dima.

And so it is with a reflective, joy-filled heart to say that this blog has officially come to an end. Not because I have nothing more to say. Not because the journey is over. In fact, in many ways, our journey of adoption has just begun as we navigate through what it looks like to parent our almost 3 year old in this new world.

But, it just feels right to allow this blog to come to an end. I would love to stay connected with you who have followed our journey, you who have become our friends, you who will always have a place in the story of our family’s life. Feel free to email me or find me on facebook.

Thank you for walking by our side through this story that God has written in our lives. I have never been more convinced of the need for honesty in our relationships that I have been over these last few years.

Many times people will say, “I can’t believe how vulnerable you are on your blog.” I always respond by saying, “I have to be.” May that continue to be true in my life with my relationshps. That honesty is a must for growing deeper with friends. That honesty is a must for growing deeper with God.

As we trudge through true pain with each other, we also get to the other side where we experience true joy with each other. Thank you for weeping as we wept and rejoicing as we rejoiced.

Until next adoption 🙂 love, Steve and Kate

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19 Responses to “Time To Go”

  1. Kacey said

    Awww, my love to you all! I will keep in touch on fb! Hey, don’t forget to print your blog at blog2print.com…;)

  2. Angie F said

    Thank you for the bitter things;
    they’ve been a friend to grace;
    they’ve driven me from a life of ease
    to storm the secret place.

    Thank you for sharing your journey. It has brought me tears of sadness and joy for both your your family and mine. Your words have brought me such encouragement, especially in the days since my brother’s diagnosis. I thank God for using you both in the way He has.

    Blessings on your beautiful family. You are loved.

  3. Kate, I was never a good commenter but I followed your site faithfully. It is truly one of the best blogs ever! I’m sorry to see it go but thrilled your son is home. I hope maybe you’ll start a new blog for every day things though. 🙂 Take care!

  4. Carala said

    aweeeeee…so sad you are leaving. 😦 I’ve loved following you through the ups and downs of adoption. I will miss reading your updates, cause now it’s the fun part when we can all see your life with Dima and all the amazing changes in his life because he has a wonderful family now. I love that part…cause it’s the part we are all doing this for. But, I understand too why you are saying goodbye. I have no idea what I’ll do once our daughter comes home.

    I’m on fb too…so if you’re intersted in keeping in touch just look me up.

    Catch you next adoption (don’t tell my husband I said that!)… Carala from Canada

  5. Beverly Patterson said

    Kate, I know I never really commented on your blog but it always touched me how honest you were. I was always thinking how many others you were helping thru this site and didn’t know it. I really hope that you will pray about writing a blog for everyday things a Mom encounters with Mothering a child. God has given you an incredible gift for writing in a way that touches your soul!! You have so much to offer thru a ministry like this. Whatever you decide I know God will bless. I hope I get to meet Little Dima soon, he is absolutely the cutest little boy I think I have ever seen!!! God bless

  6. Mom said

    Hey Sweet Girl,
    I know you have put a lot of consideration into the decision to stop blogging and I respect it- but it does make me sad- I love hearing how God speaks through your life. I am fortunate that I get to talk with you everyday though. Dima is such a blessing to me and your Dad- we love ya’ll so much. We can’t wait to see you the end of June and first of July in Cary—hurray!
    I love you,
    Mom

  7. Sarah said

    Kate,
    Thank you for letting us be a part of this journey. There have been many times when I have spent days reflecting on your weekly entry, or quoted your insights to a friend in need.
    The experience of having to trust God during those painful times has been some of the most defining moments of my Christian walk. Although those times are behind me they have changed me forever. Today, I know that I can’t do much in own strength, I know that sometimes a person who is hurting needs a hug and not me to brainstrom solutions, I know that I don’t need to have all the answers and that I do not need to know why God is doing something in order to trust him.
    I wish you and your family all the best.
    Sarah

  8. kirsten said

    love to you. honored to have followed you here on your journey. hope to get to continue to journey with you in other ways now. you have raised His name high on here and given Him so much glory!

  9. Garcia Family,
    We will always be praying for your family. Thank you for letting us in on your adoption journey- it has been an unbelievable spiritual blessing and encouraging word every week as we continue on our first adoption journey- and continue to wait. So sad to hear your weekly wisdom will be coming to an end, but understand that you are following God’s direction. God bless you.
    Summer and Lance Sims

  10. Sarah said

    Kate-
    I will miss my Mondays with you. I understand your decision and would like to thank you for all of your heartfelt entries. It has made our journey “following in your footsteps” to Pskov a little easier. You and your family will remain in our prayers and this isn’t good-bye, just farewell for now.
    Love, Sarah

  11. april said

    Beautiful! Well written…may God bless you and guide you through your next journey and season in life! It was great to find your blog and read your story!

  12. Stephanie said

    Dear Kate & Steve,

    As you close this chapter of your adoption journey, my own is only just beginning. I have poured over your archived posts, and while often I find myself intimidated by what may lie ahead, I cannot tell you how much heart I take in knowing your story. As Jesus said in Matthew 5:16: “…let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”

    Thank you for going ahdead and lighting the way.

    God bless.

  13. Kathy said

    Kate,

    I must admit, I burst into tears when I read you were ending your blog. Its weekly entries have brought me so much peace. The way you present Gods presence in our lives was such a blessing each week. And in addition, following the journey of Dima has been so comforting because, I too, brought our daughter home from Russia just days prior to you bringing Dima home and we have so much in common that knowing I am not alone brought me so much peace…right down to the fact that my daughter, also, is still learning to share with others. Thank you for the peace and comfort you have brought my heart and I do have your email (we had spoken on the phone once during our process) so maybe I will touch base here and there (won’t bombard you, I promise!) Good Luck to you and Many of God’s Blessings!

    • Shelly said

      Kate, Thank you for sharing your journey! Your posts have truly touched me. You have been so transparent. I pray that this next journey you are on will bring all the blessings that God has in store for you and your family!

  14. donna said

    Katie, I have been so proud of you and the woman you have become. Your writings are all so beautiful and the way you see and express God and His will in the everyday things is such a blessing. I can’t wait for you to bring Dima “home” so we can all meet him and teach him to say “y’all” I love you!

  15. Madeline said

    I agree with many of your post. I haven’t commented much, but have followed along. You helped bring back many memories (good, sad, frustrating…) of our adoptions. Your have put your faith out there as an inspiration for all.
    God Bless as you raise your beautiful son. I hope to find you again when you decide to start your next adoption!

  16. Margaret said

    I have been away from an internet connection for these two weeks and missed your closing. I do hope you will get this though. It has been such a pleasure following your transparent parenting in process and in your journaling with us. 🙂

    P.S. I am constantly amazed at how much your husband and son favor. It is through the handiwork of God and your obedience that this miracle has happened. To Russia with love…
    Margaret

  17. Sally said

    Just found your YouTube videos and your blog – thank you for a beautiful testimony about your adoption! I hope to be an adoptive Mama someday too.

  18. Sybil said

    Dear Kate and Steve,

    After watching your videos and then coming to your blog I had to comment. We adopted our daughter from Russia almost 14 years ago. She is now 19, in college and works part time. It has been absolutely wonderful and she is such a joy for us. We already had grown children when we adopted so we were much older. If we were your age, we would have adopted more children. I hope you will find your way to do this. Your son is just fantastic and you will be lead to find another child (or more) that you can love the same and will be as wonderful for you.

    Sending you our best!

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