Never Forsake Me

This past week, I opened up my computer to do my regular internet “stuff”. I check my email, check my facebook, read my favorite blogs and then look at the weather and news.

A very disturbing headline appeared, “Mom Sends Adopted Son Back to Russia.” I quickly clicked on the headline and continued to read the story.

What I learned was that a 7 year old boy showed up at the door of the Russian Ministry of Education in Moscow, after being sent back to Russia from the US on an overseas flight by himself. There was a note in his backpack from his adopted mom saying, “After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say…I no longer wish to parent this child.”

As I read that, my heart began to race. My eyes filled with tears, hurting so much for this little boy. I also thought about the hundreds of families that this one decision may affect. For those who don’t know much about the relationship with between the US and Russian in regards to adoption, I would say it is shaky at best.

This is one of the things you are told in the beginning of the adoption journey when you are filling out paperwork, that there are no guarantees with international adoption. Even when you sign on the dotted line, or pay the money in full, at any point, one or both of the countries involved in an international adoption may change policy, effective immediately.

I remember having fears a few months ago when we heard that there were talks of the Russian government suspending adoptions. After hearing this story and the implications it may have, my heart and mind go right back to where I was 6 months back, when a similar story took place.

My heart hurts for those waiting families. I think of at least 3 that I know personally and the countless others who are waiting. It is a reminder to me of the responsibility I have as Dima’s mom, not only for his sake, but for the sake of those who are coming behind us in this process. And so I pray for those waiting families- those who have already met their child and who are waiting for their second trip, and those who are waiting for a referral.

But more than anything, I continue to replay the image that has been seared in my mind of this little boy in a yellow coat and back pack, fear in his eyes, being “sent back” like a pair of jeans that didn’t look as good in the mirror at home as they did in the store.

Then I thought about what a loving, patient, long-suffering God I have. I started to imagine what it would look like if God were to send me back. What would the note say?

“I’m sorry, I’ve given it my best, but Kate is just too selfish. She gets angry too easily. She is afraid even when I tell her not to be. She gets annoyed with her husband and child too quickly and after giving it my best, I can no longer parent this child.  Sincerely, God.”

I pictured myself, with my backpack filled with baggage, being sent back to my “former” life because I couldn’t make it in this new way of living that God has prepared for me.

And I was overwhelmed with gratitude in knowing that I worship a God who gives a promise that He will never forsake me. That He is a God whose patience far outlasts my stubbornness, whose love far surpasses my selfishness, whose faithfulness is so much stronger than my ebb and flow faith.

I am grateful that I am in a relationship with a Father whose love is not dependant on whether or not he can “handle” me, but a Father who says, “I hold you in my arms, I go before you, I come behind you, I hem you in.” I know there is nothing I can do that will cause God to turn His back on me.

So now I pray that I live that kind of love to those whom God puts in my path. That I would love Dima and my husband, friends and family, acquaintances and strangers, with an unchanging, selfless, never-giving up kind of love.

Updates:

• Dima’s vocabulary grows day after day with new words and concepts like “bus” and “eat”
• We’re now using all natural means to battle his scabies, its frustrating to have to wash all his stuff every day

Prayer Requests:

• for all of the families waiting in limbo as a result of this Tennessee woman’s decision
• for continued bonding with Dima

Until next Monday, love Kate & Steve