Never Forsake Me

April 12, 2010

This past week, I opened up my computer to do my regular internet “stuff”. I check my email, check my facebook, read my favorite blogs and then look at the weather and news.

A very disturbing headline appeared, “Mom Sends Adopted Son Back to Russia.” I quickly clicked on the headline and continued to read the story.

What I learned was that a 7 year old boy showed up at the door of the Russian Ministry of Education in Moscow, after being sent back to Russia from the US on an overseas flight by himself. There was a note in his backpack from his adopted mom saying, “After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say…I no longer wish to parent this child.”

As I read that, my heart began to race. My eyes filled with tears, hurting so much for this little boy. I also thought about the hundreds of families that this one decision may affect. For those who don’t know much about the relationship with between the US and Russian in regards to adoption, I would say it is shaky at best.

This is one of the things you are told in the beginning of the adoption journey when you are filling out paperwork, that there are no guarantees with international adoption. Even when you sign on the dotted line, or pay the money in full, at any point, one or both of the countries involved in an international adoption may change policy, effective immediately.

I remember having fears a few months ago when we heard that there were talks of the Russian government suspending adoptions. After hearing this story and the implications it may have, my heart and mind go right back to where I was 6 months back, when a similar story took place.

My heart hurts for those waiting families. I think of at least 3 that I know personally and the countless others who are waiting. It is a reminder to me of the responsibility I have as Dima’s mom, not only for his sake, but for the sake of those who are coming behind us in this process. And so I pray for those waiting families- those who have already met their child and who are waiting for their second trip, and those who are waiting for a referral.

But more than anything, I continue to replay the image that has been seared in my mind of this little boy in a yellow coat and back pack, fear in his eyes, being “sent back” like a pair of jeans that didn’t look as good in the mirror at home as they did in the store.

Then I thought about what a loving, patient, long-suffering God I have. I started to imagine what it would look like if God were to send me back. What would the note say?

“I’m sorry, I’ve given it my best, but Kate is just too selfish. She gets angry too easily. She is afraid even when I tell her not to be. She gets annoyed with her husband and child too quickly and after giving it my best, I can no longer parent this child.  Sincerely, God.”

I pictured myself, with my backpack filled with baggage, being sent back to my “former” life because I couldn’t make it in this new way of living that God has prepared for me.

And I was overwhelmed with gratitude in knowing that I worship a God who gives a promise that He will never forsake me. That He is a God whose patience far outlasts my stubbornness, whose love far surpasses my selfishness, whose faithfulness is so much stronger than my ebb and flow faith.

I am grateful that I am in a relationship with a Father whose love is not dependant on whether or not he can “handle” me, but a Father who says, “I hold you in my arms, I go before you, I come behind you, I hem you in.” I know there is nothing I can do that will cause God to turn His back on me.

So now I pray that I live that kind of love to those whom God puts in my path. That I would love Dima and my husband, friends and family, acquaintances and strangers, with an unchanging, selfless, never-giving up kind of love.

Updates:

  • Dima’s vocabulary grows day after day with new words and concepts like “bus” and “eat”
  • We’re now using all natural means to battle his scabies, its frustrating to have to wash all his stuff every day

Prayer Requests:

  • for all of the families waiting in limbo as a result of this Tennessee woman’s decision
  • for continued bonding with Dima

Until next Monday, love Kate & Steve

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8 Responses to “Never Forsake Me”

  1. Kris said

    Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. Though we bought our tickets today to travel, there is a bit of a cloud hanging over us as we wonder what will happen in the next months. But yet, we trust that God has all of the details worked out! :o)

  2. Mama Mary said

    Great analogy, Katie!

  3. Mom said

    That story is very sad Katie.
    By the way, I don’t see you as being selfish or quick to anger- or easily annoyed.
    I love you.
    Mom

  4. Madeline said

    AMEN!

  5. magret said

    Katie,

    I am so with you in your prayers for the families in waiting and for the little boy who has been returned like unwanted merchandise. The people who returned him need prayers as well.

    I also pray the scabies are soon a thing of the past. That must really be stretching the envelope for you, but it proves your daily committment is working, when the scabies is gone.

  6. Magret said

    P.S. How wonderful it is that we KNOW that our God will not return us unaccompanied to the place of our adoption, lost to our sin. We have our heavenly Father’s Word on that, and that is seriously a serious committment. The Word was made flesh among us and made us His own. I love your analogy. Whew, if God sent me back for every time I fail Him, oh my. I do not think I have even ever expected Him to betray me that way. I have sometimes lost trust in people but not God. Praise Jesus! The Holy Spirit put those words there for me tonight. You are a gifted writer and committed mother. We don’t send our sons back even when they are grown and past 40 and yes even disappoint us at times!! My prayers are with you all the time. :=D

  7. Dad said

    My heart goes out to those waiting! I know it is difficult news to hear. But I also know that the main thing the Lord taught me through our journey to Dima was, that He is in control! I know it sounds like the “right thing” to say, but it IS the truth. Hang in there, those waiting. It is so worth it to see how perfect His plan is. I now have Dima as a grandson as proof. I also am praying for that little boy that was sent back, and how even more confused he must be. It does just break my heart.

  8. Sarah said

    Kate- Thank you. That was perfect. Just what I needed to hear right now. We are hanging in there. More and more stories coming out as “business as usual” in Russia until something is said otherwise. We are just holding our breath. Thank you for your prayers for us and our little guy waiting for us to come back to be with us FOREVER. Not until I decide “it’s too hard” or “this isn’t what I signed up for” but FOREVER. The adoption community is just that-a community. You jump through the hoops and continue to jump long after your child comes home in order to bring other children home to their families. I personally appreciate your commitment (starting with the battle of the scabies) and appreciate your prayers more than I could ever express.

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