Delightful Journey

September 1, 2009

Fortune cookies are a significant part of our story. When Steve proposed to me, he had this elaborate plan set up with my family. My mom, dad and brother and I were all eating Chinese food for lunch one day. As we went around to read our fortunes outloud, it got to me and I read…”the man that you love will soon kneel before you.”

It was vague enough that it seemed ironic because I knew Steve would be coming to visit me later that day from out of town. And right after I read it, Steve, who had been hiding in the pantry, came out and proposed. He and my mom had worked together to change out the fortune in an intricate way that involved tweezers and crazy glue. So fortune cookies have always been a fun little memory that we share.

So today, for our date lunch we were eating Chinese food. At the end of our meal, as they always do, they brought out our fortune cookies. This is what Steve’s said….

fortune cookie

So we smiled at each other and hope that fortune cookies will continue to play a significant part of our story.

I was thinking about fear a few days ago. I was thinking that ever since I can remember, I was always afraid of something. When I was young, I was so afraid of storms and thunder. I remember I would have to call my mom crying from kindergarten whenever the gray clouds would barrel in.

Later on in elementary school, I remember being so afraid that someone was going to break into our house in the middle of the night. So, I would stay up late, listening for any noise that sounded unusual and would often run into my parent’s room and sleep on the floor.

As I got older, I had a fear of not fitting in or being liked. So, I would do whatever it would take for people to like me – often times hurting others in the process.

I remember in college, right after September 11th, I was so afraid of a terrorist attack. I had it all figured out in my mind why Cedarville, Ohio would be the next target. And if you know anything about Cedarville, Ohio, you would know that most people, much less terrorists, don’t even know it exists.

Then my fear became flying, then going on roller coasters. If you ask me what my biggest struggle is, I would have to tell you it is fear.

I will never forget one time on an airplane with Steve, we hit some turbulance. I, as I always do, lifted the window shade to see if I could see anything suspicious going on outside. I then darted my eyes around the cabin to see if anyone else seemed to be nervous about the bumps (which of course no one was). Steve held my hand and looked and me and in the most gracious way, asked me a question that I will never forget…

”Kate, how is being afraid going to change the outcome of the situation? If we are going to crash, we are going to crash and fear will not change that.” I am married to such a wise man. But, it is so true. It was such a light bulb moment for me and continues to be one whenever I start to have that irrational fear seep back into my mind.

I think I often hold onto fear as a control tactic. I feel sometimes like I can worry something out of existence. But in the process, I miss out on the delightful journey that God has set before me.

As I continue to walk this adventurous road of international adoption, filled with circumstances that are so far beyond out of my control, I am continually brought back to our prayer and the truth that we have clung to from the very beginning: that God has gone before us, He comes behind us and He hems us in.

That I have joy in the shadow of His wings. And that as we continue to wait and wonder about His timing, we trust instead of fear. We hope instead of complain. We sing with joy instead of grumbling…because the reality is my emotions will not change the outcome. So, why not choose to enjoy the journey?

Updates:

  • we are working on documents we’ll need when we eventually go to Russia.
  • we are in need of a CPA who could help us verify our home ownership and financial statement…any suggestions?
  • we are optimistic that we will get a referral before the end of the year – hopefully sooner than later

Prayer Requests:

  • continued strength and focus as we wait on God
  • for the comfort and care of our little one somewhere in Russia
  • confidence in the Lord