One of those Days

June 16, 2009

If you asked me how I’m doing today on a scale of 1-10, I would probably say “oh 7 or 8” because I wouldn’t want you to be concerned or feel the need to follow up with questions or sympathy. But, because I have committed to being honest through this journey of adoption on our blog, I am going to tell you, I’m probably a 3 or 4.

I have been absolutely amazed how God has sustained us through this waiting time, how He has given us strength and patience beyond anything we could have come up with on our own, but today I’m just having one of “those days”.

Part of the reason I’m feeling down is because we will be leaving Friday for our student missions trip. In our planning of this trip almost a year ago, I had in my mind that we would have our little one by now and that I would either not be able to go on the trip or there would be special accommodations made for us. We went ahead and planned as though I would be able to go on the trip, but in my mind, I had my thoughts/dreams/hopes set that I wouldn’t go.

It’s not that I don’t want to go, I do. I love ministry trips with our students. I love the bonding that takes place with the team and the experiencing the amazing opportunities to serve people and love people completely out of my comfort zone. I am in awe of what God has taught me through past trips to India and have full expectation that He is going to do the same for us this next week as we travel to Ecuador. But, the bottom line is, my little one is in my heart and the thought of still not being with him/her makes my soul hurt.

This morningI spoke on the phone with our Russian case worker as well as our home study agency trying to get our paperwork figured out. As I’ve said before, we have many documents that are expiring in the next couple of months and I am trying to figure out the best/easiest way to redo them. On top of that, since we have changed regions from St. Petersburg to Pskov, there are additional paperwork that needs to be completed for a new region.

The honest truth is it is just tough and frustrating. The first time we did the paperwork it was exciting, it felt like we were moving forward and making progress. Now that we are doing paperwork the second time, it is a reminder of the long wait and the reality that we really have no control over this process….no matter how hard I try ☺

So, it’s just one of those days. I am grateful that I have a God who I can come to in all of my weaknesses. I know I have a God who I don’t have to “have it all together” for Him to love me and accept me. I love that I have a God that I can come to and say “I am a 3 or 4” and He scoops me up into His arms and holds me and reminds me of His love for me. He is so good.

Updates:

  • the updating of paperwork is a more difficult (and more expensive) than we anticipated
  • our case worker did confirm with us today that we are on a waiting list in Russia so that’s a praise

Prayer Requests:

  • For Steve and I as we lead a mission trip to Ecuador, that we can stay focused amidst this difficult adoption process
  • For our little one, that they would be held and sung to
  • For us as we wait…we need lots of prayer!

Until next Monday, love Kate & Steve

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6 Responses to “One of those Days”

  1. Mama Mary said

    Praying and waiting with you.

  2. Sarah said

    I too remember planning trips I secretly hoped that I wouldn’t take because we would have our children by then. I’m impressed with the 3 or 4, I had a lot of days that were -3 or worse! I guess the good thing about repeating paper work is that pretty much everyone has to do it, so you could see it as being that much closer to the end.
    I recently found a blog of a couple who work for Campus Crusade and who, I think, are adopting from the same region. If you are interested (and haven’t already found it) I could email you the address).
    I pray that God will give you strength, joy and peace while you wait, and also that the waiting will soon come to an end.

  3. Mom said

    Oh my sweet baby girl, I just want to be with you right now, hold you in my arms, nestle my face in your hair and rock you and cry with you. You are a part of my heart beat and I ache when you ache. I love you to your bones. If I could, I would “fix” it for you. It is so
    difficult to not be able to make this all better. How encouraging it is, though, to know that you are in the hands of God who, although it is difficult for me to imagine, loves you infinitely more than I do. He not only knows the plans He has for you…but He arranged them. He created you and your little one.
    Not unlike watching you in your soccer games, basketball games, piano or vocal performances…I am on the sidelines but I am fully engaged—-cheering and,in my mind, I am kicking every ball, shooting every basket, playing every note and singing every song. I am with you girl!!!! SCORE!!!! You are Steve have a wonderful future and I am so thankful to watch it unfold.
    I love you both.
    Mom

  4. Ronnie Lowe said

    I echo everything your mom said. I have to keep telling myself that God IS good ALL the time and that His plan IS perfect. Even knowing and understanding this, it is still difficult. I know that if He could tell me what’s going on, I probably wouldn’t be able to understand that either. So, just know that your mom and I are behind you and Steve 100000000%, and we will contiue to pray, wait and support you and Steve through this.
    Dad

  5. Kim said

    You know, when I was at 1, God sent our referral. Honestly it was pretty bad. We had been told May and it came and went, along with the death of a friend. So in comes June and the first weekend we were out of town at our Kazakshtan reunion. On Sunday when we got home, I did NOT want to walk in the house. What I was coming home to was the same old waiting game that was driving me crazy! On Monday, the phone rang. 🙂

    Very good news to be on the waiting list! I hope and pray you are at the top and things move faster for you in this new region!

  6. Lynn said

    Hang in there. The day before we got our referal I screamed,cried etc.God is faithful and this is a process that is so hard. God is getting everthing in line and he has already blazed the path to your child.I will pray for you and your child as God weaves the story. You will meet your child soon!!!

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