May 5, 2009

Well, after going almost 2 months without hearing any news about the progress of our adoption we were glad to report our update last week. Now that we have some more clear information (like when we were officially registered in Russia and the new region we’ve been assigned to) we definitely feel better about things. We feel like our agency is confident and moving forward and optimistic that families are receiving referrals and adoptions are taking place.

However, now we are digging in and waiting even longer. We are just now sinking into the reality that we have 8 more months to wait…and that’s if things are going according to plan.

In addition to this we are now starting the process of updating our paperwork. Most of the documents have a 1 year expiration date. We knew this heading in, but still actually being in this spot was something we were hoping to avoid.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about “expectations” and how, intentionally or unintentionally, we have expectations for almost everything. What life is going to look like tomorrow or a year from now.

We have expectations about relationships and events. We place expectations on ourselves, on others. Sometimes it seems like the loss of an expectation feels just as strong and painful as if you actually lost something or someone.

For me, this weekend is a difficult one. Mother’s Day has been a sensitive day for me for the last few years, but I remember thinking last mother’s day that it was going to be my last one that I would be just an “onlooker.” An expectation.

Mothers Day is a tough day for lots of people, for those who have lost their mothers, for those who have a strained relationship with their mother, for those who have lost children or feel like they may never be a mother. The sensitivity of the day is definitely a reminder of how precious and intimate the relationship of “mother” is.

It is a reminder for me to be grateful for the mother who, maybe even now, is in Russia and making the decision to put their baby up for adoption for whatever reason. I am so grateful for this woman, for her loving sacrifice and selfless, humble gift. It is that gift that I so desperately long for and can’t wait to hold in my arms.

This mother’s day, I will be praying that God would prepare my heart to be the mother that this little one needs – to feel loved, valued and completely accepted.

This weekend I had the opportunity to lead worship for a women’s retreat. One of the songs I led was called “Worth it All.” As I have been practicing and getting ready for the weekend, the lyrics to this song have been a great comfort to me…

I don’t understand Your ways
but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I’m not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I’m desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all
I believe this

…I am so grateful for a God who pulls us close to His heart and to His ways as we go through pain…

Until next Monday, love Kate & Steve.

One Response to “Expectations”

  1. Sarah said

    You are so right about how we have expectations for every aspect of our lives and more than often I have turned my disappointment towards God when they didn’t happen. Yes I too remember the ‘this is the last Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas without children’ line of thinking too. We really do have to guard our minds while holding on to God’s promises. I admit there was a time when I gave God the silent treatment, if he didn’t give me what I wanted when I wanted it, then I was going to hold out on him too. It really takes a lot of courage, honesty, prayer and support to surrender yourself to God’s planning and timing.
    I hope you know how much you blog has been challenging my thinking and attitudes recently. I know that the context is your adoption journey but I finding that a lot of your thoughts relate to my everyday life and journey with God.
    Until next week.

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